Point at it with a Pipe

I maintain quite firmly that a pipe can give a great deal of authority to ones actions. I feel that if I pointed at an object with a pipe then people would be more likely to pay attention to it than if I merely gestured with a finger. I’ve come to this conclusion after having watched Dr No for the hundredth time at work. I’ve also decided that evil crime lord lairs must have a large empty room for disembodied voice conversations and a place where your death can be unusually slow.

With the pipe idea in mind I’ve proposed to PC World managers that a section of the store should be redesigned. I think that there should be a area with wood panelled walls and a leather padded door for an entrance. When one enters this area a member of staff would greet them. warmly. The staff member would  need to be seated on a green leather armchair, wearing a smoking jacket, with a pipe in their hand; they would also preferably be sporting corduroy slacks and brown shoes (very important academic apparel). In this room one would discuss additional purchases to accompany their PC, obviously with the important points highlighted by confident pipe action. I believe the presence of the pipe alone could increase sales tenfold!

I eagerly await the decision from management regarding my idea and hope that its suggestion prompts quick removal of Dr No from the sales floor, bringing an end to the incessant loop of the James Bond classic which has driven me to the edge of reason.